Tryout Season Is Here - And Nobody Is Talking About the Hard Parts

A sports mom who has seen it all is finally saying the quiet part out loud.

Tryout season. Just those two words can send a wave of anxiety through an entire sports community. Parents who have been training their kids year round. Kids who have given everything to their sport. Coaches who have an impossible job to do. And a decision that is going to leave some families devastated no matter how it goes.

I have been in this realm long enough to have seen it from every angle. I have watched incredible kids get cut. I have watched parents lose their minds in parking lots. I have watched coaches get harassed over roster decisions. And I have watched kids fall apart — not because they got cut, but because of how their parents handled it.

So let's talk about all of it. The real stuff.

1. Tryouts Are Never Perfectly Fair — And That Is the Truth

I am just going to say what every experienced sports parent already knows. Tryouts are subjective. Two equally talented kids can walk into the same gym and one makes the team and one doesn't based on factors that have nothing to do with raw ability. Fit. Coachability. Team needs. Position depth. Sometimes timing and politics too — let's be honest.

That does not make it right. But it does make it real. And your kid needs you to understand that before tryouts even begin so you are not blindsided when the results feel unfair.

The best thing you can do is prepare your child for any outcome — not just the one you are hoping for.

- 📖 Whose Game Is It Anyway? by Richard Ginsburg - A wake up call for every sports parent who has ever cared a little too much about the outcome of a kids game. You know who you are.

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- 📖 Mental Toughness for Young Athletes by Troy Horne - Five minutes a day to build an unshakeable mindset in your young athlete. This one is the real deal & it was written specifically for competitive kids.

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2. The Kid Who Dominates at 10 Is Not Always the Star at 17 — And Vice Versa

This is one of the most important things I have learned in years of watching competitive youth sports and it does not get talked about nearly enough.

Early developers are going to dominate at 10, 11, 12 years old. They are bigger, stronger, and faster than their peers — not necessarily because they are more talented, but because their bodies are simply ahead of the curve. Coaches notice them. They make the top teams. They get the most reps. And late developers get overlooked.

But here is what happens by 16, 17, 18. Those late developers catch up physically. And if they have been building their skill, their work ethic, and their mental toughness during those years of being overlooked — they often become the most complete athletes on the field.

I have watched it happen over and over again. The kid who was cut at 13 becoming the standout player at 17. The kid who was the star at 10 struggling to keep up at 16 when everyone else catches up to them physically.

So if your child got cut and you know in your gut they have real ability — do not let one tryout define their trajectory. Keep developing. Keep competing. Keep believing. Their time may simply not be right now — and that is not the end of the story.

- 📖 The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle - Greatness is not born. It is built. This book proves it & every sports parent needs to understand why.

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- 📖 Late Bloomers by Rich Karlgaard - The kid who peaks at 12 is not always the star at 18. This book explains exactly why & will change how you see your child's athletic journey completely.

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- 📖 Old School Grit by Darrin Donnelly - Old school values. New school results. This one is for the moms who are raising their kids the right way - through hard work & no excuses.

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3. Your Kid Is Watching Every Single Reaction You Have

This is the one I cannot stress enough. From the moment you pull into that parking lot to the drive home after results are posted — your child is watching you. Your body language. Your tone. Your reaction to other parents. Every single thing.

If you are visibly tense, they feel it going in. If you are devastated when they get cut, they feel like they failed you. If you are angry and talking badly about the coaches, they learn that is how adults handle disappointment.

You are not just a spectator during tryout season. You are their emotional anchor. Act like it.

- 📖 The Champion Sports Parent by John O'Sullivan & Jerry Lynch - If you are serious about raising a competitive athlete & being the kind of sports parent your kid actually needs - this is the book. No fluff just real wisdom from people who have been at the highest levels of sport.

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- 📖 How to Raise an Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims - The book that reminds you that your job is not to clear every obstacle for your kid - it is to raise someone who can handle obstacles themselves.

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-📖 Raising Empowered Athletes by Kirsten Jones - The competitive sports mom bible. Real advice from a woman who has been an athlete, a coach, & a sports mom - & knows exactly what your kid needs from you.

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4. What To Do If Your Kid Gets Cut

First. Say nothing negative about the coaches, the process, or the kids who made it. Nothing. Not in front of your child and not in a group chat that could get back to anyone.

Second. Let your kid grieve. A real cut from a team they worked hard for hurts. Do not minimize it. Do not immediately pivot to the next opportunity. Sit in it with them for a minute.

Third. When the dust settles — and it will — have the real conversation. What did they learn? What do they want to do next? Do they want to train harder and try again? Do they want to try a different team or league? Put the decision back in their hands.

And fourth — take care of yourself too mama. Because watching your kid get cut is its own kind of hurt.

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- 📖 Mindset by Carol Dweck — This book completely changed how I talk to my kids about winning, losing, & everything in between. If you only read one book on this list, make it this one.

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5. What To Do If Your Kid Makes It But Their Best Friend Didn't

This one is awkward and nobody talks about it. Your kid is thrilled. Their best friend is devastated. And you are sitting in the middle of it trying to figure out what to say to both families.

Here is what I have learned. Celebrate your kid privately at first. Do not blast it on social media the second results drop. Be mindful that another family is hurting in real time.

And teach your kid how to handle it with grace. They can be excited and still be kind. Those two things can absolutely coexist. This is actually one of the best character building moments competitive sports will ever give you.

- 🃏 Table Topics Family Edition for Car Ride Conversations - The best thing I ever kept in my car. These conversation cards have given us some of our best family moments after the toughest game days.

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- 📖 Raising Good Humans by Hunter Clarke-Fields - Because winning on the field means nothing if they are not good humans off of it. This one is a must read for every competitive sports mom.

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6. The Parent Behavior That Has To Stop

I have seen it all and I mean all of it. Parents cornering coaches in parking lots. Group chats that turn into full on roast sessions of the coaching staff. Parents telling their kids the tryout was rigged. Adults acting worse than the kids who just got cut.

It has to stop. Not just because it is embarrassing — but because it is actively harming your child's relationship with their sport.

Coaches are human. They make judgment calls. You may not agree. But the way you handle disagreement is the exact lesson your child is going to carry into every hard situation they face for the rest of their life.

If you genuinely feel there was a process issue, request a private calm conversation with the coaching staff after the dust settles. Not in the parking lot. Not in a group chat. A private conversation.

- 📖 Crucial Conversations by Patterson and Grenny - The book that teaches you how to say the hard thing the right way - every sports mom needs this one in her back pocket

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7. How To Prepare Your Athlete Before Tryouts Even Begin

The best thing you can do for your child during tryout season starts weeks before they ever walk into that gym or onto that field. Here is what we do in our house.

We talk about effort over outcome. We talk about what they can control — their attitude, their preparation, their coachability — and what they cannot. We make sure they are physically prepared, well rested, and going in feeling confident and equipped.

And then we let them compete. Without hovering. Without projecting. Without making it about us.

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8. For the Mom Who Is Really Struggling With This

If you are reading this and your heart is heavy because tryout season did not go the way you hoped — I see you. It is okay to be disappointed. It is okay to feel like it was not fair. Those feelings are valid.

But at some point you have to decide what story you are going to tell your child about this chapter. Are you going to tell them the world is unfair and the system is rigged? Or are you going to tell them that setbacks are part of every great athlete's story and this is just one chapter?

The story you tell them right now will shape how they handle every hard thing that comes after this. Choose wisely.

- 📖 The Matheny Manifesto by Mike Matheny - former MLB manager writing about old school values, character, teamwork & commitment in youth sports

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-📖 Grit by Angela Duckworth - science backed look at how passion & perseverance matter more than talent - clean straightforward & universally respected

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- & HEY! Go grab your favorite self care treat — because tryout season is exhausting! - I'm talking to you, Julie!

The Bottom Line

Tryout season is hard. It is emotional, political, and sometimes genuinely unfair. But it is also one of the greatest opportunities you will ever have to show your child how a strong person handles disappointment with grace and keeps going anyway.

Be the parent in the parking lot that other parents look at and think — I want to handle this the way she does.

That is the real win of tryout season.

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